I haven't updated this blog in almost two years.
My last post concerned my request for a birthday present - the one time I ever asked my wife for anything in particular. I asked her for a night in which I might pamper her, give her a bubble bath, perhaps a massage, and then some long, protracted fooling around. She told me that she liked the idea, and I last left the blog looking forward to that night.
The night never happened. Shortly after my last post, she let me know just how uncomfortable she is with all of this. She knows this is attached to my desire to serve her, and that's just not something she's interested in. Needless to say, I was really disappointed.
At the time, 2 years ago now, I was also angry. I won't dwell, but to keep it short I've now completely given up on any hope of 'transforming' our marriage into whatever kind of WLM I hoped it might be. The two years I spent fixated on this were a complete waste of time and only led to frustration and disappointment. I spent two years wishing for my wife to be something she can't be. And, that's not her fault. I'm disappointed, but now I'm also unencumbered with any illusions, and I no longer bust my ass trying to pamper her with no encouragement or feedback that brings any satisfaction. Truth be told, I wonder what I would think if she ever brought the matter up again - not that she would. I know I never will.
We're a very ordinary married couple. Both of us are too uptight and conservative sexually, and our sex life is increasingly less fulfilling. That's not her fault, but rather both of ours. But, sex is only one part of a marriage. I love my wife - she's a wonderful person, and an unbelievable mother. We have a nice life, and I've learned to take the good with the bad. It's best for me to stop harping on what isn't going to happen, and enjoy the supportive, fun family life I have.
I will probably eventually delete this blog. For now, I'll leave open the prospect of leaving it for links, which need to be updated. Maybe I'll write again, but at the moment I don't see why I would.
For all of the would-be submissive men out there that would consider "outing" themselves to their wives, I have three pieces of advice:
1. Whatever you do, don't do anything to make her feel as though she's letting you down by not being the woman you want her to be. The WORST thing you can do is lead her to believe that she is not "doing it for you".
2. Don't fool yourself into believing that you're doing this for her. You aren't.
3. If you open the box, as I did, be prepared for anything. Rejection is a pretty bitter pill to swallow after opening up so completely.
Happy Life,
S
24 comments:
I'm sad to hear your news that your quest to achieve a WLM has ended. It is kind of like all of us that are in this same endeavor losing one of our own.
Of course it is good that you can say such positive things about your marriage and your wife, and recognize that you have many wonderful things to be thankful for.
Sometimes it is hard to understand why a spouse cannot do anything humanly possible to make their other half happy, but such is life and it is often that way.
Your post and the advice you give will no doubt help many others with a dose of reality as to how tough this journey can be. It is better to be prepared and to be realistic.
I wish you all the best.
Thanks for posting this S- it provides a much needed reality check for me, followed by some sage advise
Perhaps I, too, will now enjoy the fun and love filled family life that I have and back peddle on the wlm course.
After all - 'if it isn't broken why fix it' My marriage isn't broken, far from it, we are blessed with a wonderful loving bond - too precious to risk damage
Clive
S - nice to hear from you again after all this time.
Sorry to hear that your wife could not see her way to embrace even a small part of what a WLM could involve. I fully understand your attitude towards your situation, and am pleased at least that you still have a loving and stable marriage to fall back on.
I guess just some women find this too hard to accpet, and are some how put off the idea of being pampered and worshipped in the way that would meet your submissive desires.
At least having accpeted your situation, you can concentrate on other aspects of your life and not be forever frustrated by the effort of getting something that is impossible to achieve.
Good luck in whatever you do and enjoy life to the full
I feel for you as the same thing has happened with our marriage. I just don't understand... I'm asking for one thing her assertiveness. I just don't understand why she doesn't get it. I want to serve and protect her.
Sounds masculine to me. My wife knows submitting to her is a real turn on for me. But will she play along....nope. Anyway good luck!
What a sad ending.
I as a dominant woman, only wish I could find someone that wants it in ways that you do, and as much as I do . . .its not easy from either side!
I hope that you will find happiness . . .
K
"I spent two years wishing for my wife to be something she can't be. And, that's not her fault."
Yes it is. If she really loved you she would at least accommodate your desires.
"she's a wonderful person, and an unbelievable mother."
But apparently not a great wife.
Reading this really helped me 2 understand that theres a bigger picture in life and i will continue 2 try and make my wife as happy as i possibly can
come here from Malaysia =)
Anon:
Yes... if only I had balls as great as yours. Then I, too, could hurl insults at people while hiding behind my "Anon" tag. That would be cool.
What brought you here, anyway?
S
LOL Nicely done S :- )
hi, for me the most important thing is be close each other with the girlfriend, wife.. and understand our needs and just try for our partner to be a bit different just for her, him. Cheers guys.
My... how sad this is.
I can understand a woman wanting nothing to do with sadism, shunning orgasm control, or being turned off by strap ons and many sundry aspects of a D/s life.
But would it have been such a big sacrifice for her to forgo such terms as "please and thank you? I suspect that if she could have managed just that, it might have been enough for you.
So instead of providing that one small indulgence, she leaves you permanently frustrated, and leaves HERSELF with out foot massages on demand, a willing hand around the house, and someone who would do anything she ever asked.
Hard to imagine.
Best,
Jake
Hi... Thanks for deep sharing.
Don't lose hope, everything will be alright. Just pray and you see some changes.
A better way to live your life is “Happy man, happy clan”. Keep your man happy, and he will keep you happy. If your man is not happy, then your life will be horrible and your relationship will soon be over.
BTW, I agree with what Anon January 03, 2012 had to say. Enough of being a servant to women. Be a man and demand what you want, even if that means 2 or 3 gals on the side.
Unfortunately women are sooo much more complicated than this blog writer thinks.
Pampering them doesn't make them happy, they don't know what makes them happy so there is no use in asking.....
We all need to crack this secret but unfortunately I don't think its crackable
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